lovelyladylunacy:

me: everything is bad

me: everything is good, actually

avinaris:

were-all-queer-here:

helpimbeingchasedbywaltwhitman:

y'all I can guarantee you 9/10 times cashiers do not give a flyin’ flip what you buy listen I have seen people buy laxatives and adult diapers you think I’m gonna give a damn if you’re buying tampons for your wife like bitch I probably didn’t even look at the package I’m just concerned with getting it scanned beep beep motherfucker and we’re done

This is helpful for people with anxiety

beep beep motherfucker

dragondicks:

The inherent difference between a human and a character is a character cannot think for themselves. Everything they do and say is for a specific purpose, even if it’s a small one.

Like, sometimes nerds argue “just because this character chooses to dress sexually doesn’t mean they’re not a strong female character!” and its like, they’re a character, ya dingus. They didn’t choose to do anything. A designer decided that this character should be wearing this. So you can talk for hours and hours if you want about how the character has a deep and engaging backstory and is super tragic and human but at the end of the day a designer decided to dress them up like a lingerie model for a reason. This becomes extra irritating when the character engages in a lifestyle that is completely at odds with their wardrobe. Oh, she chose to wear that bikini in a combat situation? She sure sounds level headed. No, please, don’t give me your twelve page long essay about how her battle bikini “makes sense in canon” I have to catch a train this week

matagpo:

Do not let them consume you. They don’t define who you are.

nosynonymforsynonym:

artykyn:

prideling:

gunvolt:

im going to have a stroke

Instead try…

Person A: You know… the thing
Person B: The “thing”?
Person A: Yeah, the thing with the little-! *mutters under their breath* Como es que se llama esa mierda… THE FISHING ROD

As someone with multiple bilingual friends where English is not the first language, may I present to you a list of actual incidents I have witnessed:

• Forgot a word in Spanish, while speaking Spanish to me, but remembered it in English. Became weirdly quiet as they seemed to lose their entire sense of identity.

• Used a literal translation of a Russian idiomatic expression while speaking English. He actually does this quite regularly, because he somehow genuinely forgets which idioms belong to which language. It usually takes a minute of everyone staring at him in confused silence before he says “….Ah….. that must be a Russian one then….”

• Had to count backwards for something. Could not count backwards in English. Counted backwards in French under her breath until she got to the number she needed, and then translated it into English.

• Meant to inform her (French) parents that bread in America is baked with a lot of preservatives. Her brain was still halfway in English Mode so she used the word “préservatifes.” Ended up shocking her parents with the knowledge that apparently, bread in America is full of condoms.

• Defined a slang term for me……. with another slang term. In the same language. Which I do not speak.

• Was talking to both me and his mother in English when his mother had to revert to Russian to ask him a question about a word. He said “I don’t know” and turned to me and asked “Is there an English equivalent for Нумизматический?” and it took him a solid minute to realize there was no way I would be able to answer that. Meanwhile his mom quietly chuckled behind his back.

• Said an expression in English but with Spanish grammar, which turned “How stressful!” into “What stressing!”

Bilingual characters are great but if you’re going to use a linguistic blunder, you have to really understand what they actually blunder over. And it’s usually 10x funnier than “Ooops it’s hard to switch back.”

More things!

• getting stressed and agitated so words from your mother tongue slip into conversations or school presentations without you even noticing until you realize everyone looks really confused;
  
• getting tipsy and forgetting which language goes to which person, so just blurting you’re done with French for now and everyone will just have to speak english with you;
  
• telling your friends to “mess with their own onions” before realizing that’s the wrong language for that idiom;
  
• laughing in ‘english as a foreign language’ class as the prof tells everyone that an eraser is a rubber, and then not remembering what a condom is in french so no one has any idea what you’re on about;
  
• having to switch to english to tell your french boyfriend you love him, because he thinks it’s more romantic, but having him tell you in french because that’s how you like it best;
  
• friends asking you to help with homework/translation and actually freaking out because you can’t remember your own mother tongue so you’re yelling a thousand synonyms and none of them are just right;
  
• Is it talkie walkies or walky takies? ONE IS FRENCH THE OTHER ENGLISH BUT I CAN NEVER REMEMBER

I do admit, sometimes it IS hard to switch back. But only when copious amount of alcohol have been imbibed. 

meiamandrew:

The new republican healthcare bill